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The subreddit is for okCupid, Tinder and other dating sites where users often hide what they really look like. "I can't tell from her pictures. Is she fat?" "I can't tell from his pictures. He says he's 23 but he look 50. What do you think?"
2020.09.24 19:35 codenamekodaSelf-confidence, Self-loathing, and just being yourself?
(I'm still relatively new to the site, so if there are posts in this subreddit that offer advice/clears this up, please let me know!) Online dating, especially on apps like Tinder and OkCupid, can sometimes overwhelm me. In a sense, I can be a hopeless romantic; however, I don't think I really have the courage to put myself out there. Before quartine, I had only ever been on a handful of dates, and none of them ended in either party encouraging a second one. Plus, I've only been in one 'serious' relationship that was extremely (and I mean extremely) casual. I'm not a person with a ton of self-confidence, but I am human, and I do, on the rare occasion, get a bit of boost and don't feel as critical about my appearance. I try my best to be myself on dating apps, and I do put a lot of time and effort into creating bios and figuring out which pictures to post. I tell myself not to overthink it, but I usually end up doing just that. Sometimes it gets worse when I'm swiping or looking through other profiles. I see these really pretty and hot people who look like the kind of person I want to be, and I can't help but sometimes compare myself to them. Then I look back at my profile and usually sulk about it to myself for a bit, wondering what I can do to make it better. Sometimes it just sucks. At one point, I bought the 'view people who have liked you' thing on Tinder because I was at a pretty down on myself, and I just need to know, you know? It surprised me at first to see that there were quite a few people who had liked me, but as I looked at all of their profiles, I ended up swiping left on the majority of them, and it's not really for the reason you think. I don't have high standards by any means; in fact, my friends have made it into quite the joke about my low standards regarding dating. (I normally laugh along because, hey, it is true.) Yet, I find all of these people attractive, and clearly they've liked me because they find me a little bit interesting at the very least. And I still swipe left because, in the back of my head, I've convinced myself that it's too good to be true. Someone that attractive can't actually like me, right? They're obviously too good for me and out of my league (even though I don't know them.) It's definitely an issue I know I have to work on. But now, with Covid and having more time than usual on my hands, I'd love to go on a (safe) date. I guess my biggest question right now is, how do other people get themselves out of his cycle? Should I maybe take a step back and refocus on myself? Or does that sound too self-centered? Like I said before quartine I've only been on a handful of dates and haven't always had the greatest time but I'd love to experience an actual nice date, you know? Even if we're six feet apart the whole time. (Since I have pretty bad asthma, I'm a little bit more cautious with being around people.) It's also been almost a full year since I've been intimate with someone, and I'm starting to miss the closeness of another person. At this point, I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions when it comes to this issue of dating during quartine. If anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it and appreciate it! (Sorry if this is rambly!)
2020.09.24 19:14 meatluvers69I don't understand her text intentions
So matched with a chick, went on a first date with very little texting. Went well didn't kiss her but we both stated we wanted to do it again. It was fairly platonic so I've tried flirting a bit over text, she hasn't taken the bait at all but has continued to chat. She has also started the conversation some days with a "hope you have a nice day" So I'm not very experienced and her OkCupid says her confidence is below average. I'm trying to figure out if she is interested in me, and then how I can make sure this stays in a romantic versus friend lane. Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated, date 2 is Saturday.
2020.09.24 18:40 stevenr4A complaining post looking for people to commiserate with. Do you feel the same way?
Online dating sucks, but being lonely seems to suck even more. It feels like I'm stuck in this loop where I put some serious effort into OkCupid for about a week, get mentally and emotionally drained and set it down for three weeks, and then when I get lonely enough and gain back emotional energy the cycle repeats. When I'm putting in effort, I do my best to write meaningful, short, sweet intros to people I can see myself getting along with quite well. I check the answers for the agree and disagree, make sure we're compatible, then send a message stating a conversation on common ground. I've put a lot of thought and a lot of effort into this, and I try my best to be open and kind. It's really draining to put hours into this app only to get maybe one reply every month. It just feels like a lot of meaningful work and hope and "dice rolling" by putting myself out there only to get little to nothing in return. I'm glad OkCupid does not show me stats on the amount of people that see me and swipe left or the amount of intros I've sent compared to the amount of responses I get. I know the numbers are low, and the thought of it is demoralizing, but at the very least it's never in my face. I have been trying this app on and off since the start of 2020, and so far only one conversation made it into a friendship, but sadly there's a deal breaker between us that we both acknowledge and respect and wish each other the best. I just wanted to throw this out there, I like to think I'm not alone in feeling like this app is an emotionally draining cycle of hope and loneliness. Do you feel the same way about this? Am I just being cynical? Am I doing something wrong?
2020.09.24 16:53 ukeanduetSeeking nesting partner... am I doing this backwards?
I (28F) have been on OK Cupid (which is the only dating app I know of with a nonmonogamous filter) and so far I haven't seen anyone specify that they want a primary-eventually-nesting partner that is open to seeing other people. Most everyone there that I am attracted to is already married or partner and looking for a girlfriend or fwb. How weird is it that I want to find my primary, that will be open to being open? My ideal scenario is to be exclusive to start, unless our kinks don't match up well- in that case, simply playdates only. Once we've developed a deeper bond, communication is clear and desires are well known, I'd want to move onto seeing other people and dating poly. I have two good friends - one identifies as nonmonog, the other as poly. The nonmonog one has told me that it was his partner of 3 years (now 5) that suggested they be open while he was working for months at a time in the middle east, and that's how they started. For my poly friend, she had an affair 5 years into her marriage, and she and her husband decided to become open once she identified as poly. I don't know many other "origin stories." What started your poly journey? Is there anyone out there also looking for their primary companion? Are there any others sites to meet people with my interests? I appreciate your read. TL;DR - I'm looking for a primary-to-nesting partner that is poly or at least wants to explore the option. What's the best approach to take?
2020.09.23 18:48 ultravioletaurumIs it too soon for me (23F) to give him (23M) a gift?
So I met this guy on OkCupid last month and we instantly clicked! We’ve been talking and texting daily for a month, in addition to 4 dates. All 4 dates have all lasted 10 or more hours, with the last one lasting a whole 24 hours! On our last date, we discussed how we haven’t talked to or looked for anyone else on the app since we started talking. Right then, we both deleted our accounts together! lol It feels like we’ve known each other for years and the connection is undeniable. On the last 3 dates, we’ve went out to eat or ordered takeout and he’s paid the bill. It’s something I’m not used to but he’s persistent that he wants to pay. Since that’s the case, I would at least like to put some money towards him, if that makes sense. I saw a poster of his all time favorite game and I’m thinking about surprising him with it the next time we see each other. All things considered, is it too soon for gifts or no?
2020.09.23 14:22 doubleboundI (28M) am too emotionally immature in dating - help
Last summer I made some really big changes to my life. I moved back to the USA after living abroad for 3 years, enrolled in grad school, and broke up with my girlfriend of two and a half years. This summer, I started dating again, and I'm not satisfied with the results. Out of the ~8 people I've talked to / dated this summer, only one of them gave me a second date. At this point, I'm ignoring my therapist's advice that this isn't my fault and rather I'm just not meeting the right people (although a few of those people definitely were not the right people). I think it's me and I think it's because the me in dating is acting like a spoiled brat. Here is what I think the issue is: - I get way too excited when things are going well, then overreact. Two weeks ago, I was chatting up a friend of a (23F) friend who I'd had a crush on for a really long time. She'd never noticed me, but she came over for dinner one day and turns out we get along really well! I sent her a message about a class and she starts flirting with me, telling me my messages made her day, she wants to go to a concert with me when COVID is over, joking around about her coming over, I tell her she's cute, things are going well. At this point I'm posting a lot of stories on Insta and she's hitting me up through them pretty often. I figure, okay ~4 days has passed, I'll ask her out. She says next week. Ok, fine, next week. I wait until next week, we continue talking, ask her again, next week. Oh. Uhh. I start getting upset, I had actually saved time for this girl thinking she would see me this weekend. Then, I overreacted. I thought, this girl's trying to stiff me. I asked her if she wanted to go thrifting next weekend, she said yeah she'd check back with me, but every time I text her she responds in 2 mins maximum and we flirt for an hour or two at a time. Fine, fuck her, I think. I book a trip back home (different state) post it on Instagram, then I go thrifting with a female friend and post pictures of the entire thing on my stories thinking fuck her. Eventually, I post a really passive aggressive message on my stories that's essentially 'this is what making time for people looks like', and then I notice she's still spam checking everything I post. I get weirded out and block her. I acted like a child here, I don't want to do that. Now that the emotions have died down, I think to myself, why didn't I just grey rock her? Why did I need to make this entire big display of emotions? Even when it continues going well, I overreact. I was talking to this girl (25F) I met on OkCupid, things were going really well. Our conversation was super natural, she was very fun to hang out with, but she was away at her parents so I wouldn't meet her for me maybe 2 weeks. So during these 2 weeks, I overreacted like crazy. I hyped myself up that this chick was the end-all-be-all, she was perfect! Of course, this isn't true, she's just a normal human being, but I got caught up in my emotions. We were going to go on a picnic, I showed up with like a 3 course meal (no joke, I do love to cook but this was kinda excessive), was so nervous, and at the end of the date I kissed her thinking this was so great when in reality I probably weirded her out. She ghosted me right after, I felt like absolute shit for days. I think a big part of this issue is that in the past relationships just kind of fell into my lap. I'm not sure why it was like this, but I would start dating, and I would always meet a match on the first date I went on. I would sometimes ask girls out who would say no, but those experiences were not that bad and I was never very interested in those women. TL;DR I get way too emotional at the early stages of dating and it kills the vibe everytime. How do I stop?
Hi, just wanted to ask if there are any online dating sites or mobile apps that do international? Most of the dating apps I see only set the location to local areas within a range of kilometers from your place (Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, etc.). I'm just curious to meet people from other countries.
2020.09.23 07:29 zachthenerd1131 [M4F] Orlando Florida looking for a weeb girl...
Updated:08-23-2020 I am The main protagonist in my life, Looking FOR A DEUTERAGONIST WEEB GIRL! Greetings, and Thank you for taking the time to peruse my profile. I am particularity looking for someone who shares the same goals, passions, and hobbies that I do. I've come to the realization those things mean a lot to me. So take your time reading my profile, and if after you read it and you think I'm a fit then I do hope to hear from you. Hello, my name is Zach I am 31 until October I was excited for 2020 this year. I was going to make more of an attempt this year to go out and meet more people and the chance of finding someone. Why couldn't I do this before that is because I didn't have the means to so but that changed three months before the new year than this year started. Honesty this year sickened me with what unfolded over the months but enough of that. I am not really into political things but my views line up with left-libertarian I am Agnostic and my personality type is ENFJ-A for people who care. I also support and believe in LGBT, women's rights, and black lives matter. I am not from Florida I moved here in 2002 from Ohio I was raised by a single mother and I have two sisters which we are very close to this day. I've had a good upbringing even though my mom struggled to provide for us. my mother taught us these Core Values that I believe to this day communication, trust, kindness, loyalty, respect, and equality. These things also apply in the relationships that I build with friends and relationships with my past partners that I will continue to do so moving forward. So saying this what brings me to hear will 2011 to 2015 was a really rough time in my life with relationships I went through learning very hard things that I thought that I would never let happen to myself until it happens. This echoes to this day but that was 2015 it's been six years and I haven't found anyone and continue to look now. I took the time to heal over that time learned somethings that I never know I was interested in. I took the time because I was abused, used, and thrown away in between 2011 to 2015 My past relationships Didn't work for many reasons what's funny though i didn't end them. Besides the negative things that happen I was not really compatible with them, I am looking for someone who shares my interests like Anime and Gaming, Comics, Geek Culture in General, etc. I also want someone who wants to befriend my friends and family. But overall l am looking for someone who is genuinely kind and considerate but can also think for herself. someone who I can geek out going to conventions, movies, watching TV, waiting for a game to come out no more opposites for me. I can’t do opposites anymore I want someone who can hold an intellectual conversation. I've known that i have a high sex drive and learned that I'm into BDSM and open-minded and that I was learning some things that I might be interested polyamory many a triad Relationship but I know that takes a lot of trusts and I'm aware that It may not happen but would like an open-minded person to talk about it with. I do want to take things slower than I am used to but I don't be placed in friend the zone area. I used to move faster then I would have liked I am not proud of that fact I want to build with someone and grow together. So I am asking a lot and what do I have to give I can say what you deserve and will get from me. Someone who will support your dreams and goals with no harsh criticism or even malice only you will get love and support. You will always have my ear to listen to help if and when I am needed you will always have my loyalty I detest cheating. If there is a problem and it can't be fixed leave that relationship there's no reason to cheat and hurt someone. there are so many partners that don't get simple things everyone should have in general In a relationship. I can go on but if after you read my profile and interested don't hesitate to write to me I love when someone is detailed while messaging but what I don't enjoy are one-liner's and people who just drop off don't say anything for a few hour's or even day's I will give one last try but if you do that more then once at that point I will stop talking to you. I will put the effort that I receive back thanks for reading my profile and I hope to hear from you! Ps. You will see be on these dating sites POF, OkCupid, Bumble, Hinge, Facebook Dating, Zook, Match, Eharmony, Tinder, Geek2Geek, and FetLife.
2020.09.23 03:54 WerbenWinkleHow can a guy date seriously when everyone he matches with is a bot/ asking for money?
I'm a 27 year old guy who's trying out online dating again (didn't work out the first time) but I'm trying something new. I'm here asking if there's any real solution to using dating apps where most, if not all, of the girls I match with are fake or actual prostitutes asking for money to "hookup" somewhere. So far, I've tried OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder (Only matched with one bot after months and deleted it), Badoo, Bumble, and the list goes on. My point is, I've matched with probably 3-5 real women between all of these and had about 10-12 real conversations. All of the other matches and convos lead to bots asking for my email/phone number or women asking for money for sex, or premium snapchat, or onlyfans. How can I better navigate these apps and stop wasting my time talking to bots or women asking for money and actually get a date with someone who genuinely wants to date? Also, most of the real women I talked to either stopped messaging back or deleted their account. I'm assuming it's just me at this point, but it really can get frustrating.
My ex just broke up with me about 3 days ago, as breaks up go. It could've been worse but it was still a break up. Before this, I was single for like 4 years and I don't want to do that again. So I've started a grand experiment. I have downloaded 13 dating apps from various websites. Bumble Tinder XO Ship OkCupid Hinge CMB Match PlentyofFish Eharmony Clover Curtn Zoosk. I'm going to spend one week of becoming a premium member on each and see how it fares. Anyone have experiences with these? Have others that I should try? I feel like these are a dime a dozen at this point. I'm ready to find people and this is the only way I can think of during Covid.
2020.09.22 22:49 DaeAbbicciWhy are there so many posts complaining about it being hard to find a match?
Not sure whether this is an indictment of OkCupid itself or the current dating situation. Of course, I know that people with negative opinions tend to be more vocal overall. But the atmosphere of this place seems rather dreary since everybody seems to think good matches are few and far between. Was it always like this, or did recent events (i.e. removed features, the pandemic, etc.) cause people to become so cynical?
2020.09.22 04:29 greengod210Did it recently occur to anybody else how much online dating sucks?
I have been on many online dating sites, and I have had no success on any of them. Here is a list of the sites I have been on: -Bumble: I got absolutely no messages or matches. I made a good profile, tried to filter my preferences, and I didn’t get a single message in the 4 months before I cancelled and deleted my account. -Match: If possible, this was the worst one of all. It surprised me because it normally has the reputation of being a welcome relief from other, cheaper dating sites, but I didn’t get a single match or message on this app. It’s just awful for people my age (22). My (divorcée) parents both met their respective partners on Match and are still going strong and happy after 5 years. Match is great for middle-aged people, but for young people, it’s awful. -Christian Mingle: I am religious, attend Mass every Sunday and am a Eucharistic Minister, so I figured this would be “it.” But not a single match or message in the five months I was on there. Just as bad as the other site. -Catholic Match: trash -OkCupid: Perhaps the most depressing app I’ve used so far. Not only do hardly any of the girls on there actually take it seriously. “idk why I’m here lol, just follow me on Instagram,” all that sort of crap. But the features of the app make it impossible to get in touch with anyone. My friend has a date with a girl he met from there tomorrow night and has had 5 matches in the past 2 weeks, texting for days with 2 of them. I sat down with him and reviewed everything about my profile, and he even took some good, professional photos of me. I’ve done the exact same thing he did that got all these matches, and I have yet to receive a single message from an actual pretty girl. I filter my preferences (Catholic, thin to average, within 25 miles) and the app gives me the exact opposite of all those things (atheist, “full-figured,” 60 miles away, etc). This is my only active subscription right now, and I will be cancelling after this month. I’m done with this. I have literally never felt worse about myself than trying all these online dating sites to no avail. I am about a 5 out of 10, a relatively ugly guy. So these apps are just horrible for me. Whenever I did get a message (once every 3 months, if I’m lucky), they were from girls I was repulsed by. If I just found them “ok” I would’ve pursued it, but I’d rather be single than end up with the girls who messaged me-not one of them weighed less than 250-300 lbs, which just makes me realize I am ugly as sin if no one messages me besides massively overweight girls. Starting at the end of my current OkCupid subscription, I’ll be focusing on expanding my social circle and hobbies in real life and meeting someone that way. I don’t even like meeting people through a computer. I was only trying it because I live in the suburbs and there are hardly any single girls my age where I live, and I was at a complete loss. Anyone else feel the same way, particularly guys??
2020.09.21 05:35 NintenJoe89I feel like I should never talk to people
I've been talking to this girl on OkCupid because we matched and I thought things were going great. I never said more than I should have. Always gave the girl time to reply... never rushed her into replying which is what I have done in the past and I drove people away with my worry-wart nature. So I waited for a reply back, but it never came. So I checked OkCupid and the messages are gone, I must've said something wrong because she unmatched me. I don't know what I said or did to warrant that... but it happened and now I just feel like I should never talk to anybody because I always wind up messing it up somehow. I guess it's my fate to die alone and unloved because lord knows I haven't got a shot with anybody in real life. Virtual dating is my only shot to get someone to like me and if I can't say anything there then, it's all over for me. I should just give up. I haven't got good looks, or a lot of money... I have very little personality to speak of. Oh, I'm a real hit with the ladies... I guess I'm just pathetic...
2020.09.20 12:41 87765309Talking about previous relationships with who you're dating.
Am I prudent? I don't feel comfortable talking with a new partner or someone I am dating about past relationships in general but mainly with sex I'm on OkCupid and so many questions are detailed sex questions like "do you like being choked while your mom watches you two." And I don't want to think about this girl I'm trying to fall in love with being plowed every which way by her numerous ex's. I've had a handful of relationships and hook ups and I regret doing some nasty things with all of those. Doing them because I thought we had something real. I know I'm over thinking this but I can't help it. I'm a romantic and I'm both a pessimist and an optimist. And at the same time I want to be comfortable enough with a partner to be able to talk about these things and not care. But I think I'm traumatized from my first relationship and how horrible a person that girl was. Is that a normal thing people do when they start dating, talking about past relationships? I'm a very honest open person.
Hello you out there, i (30M), obviously not native speaker, started online and offline dating in july 2020 after a long mono-relationship ended in december 2019. I use Tinder and OkCupid and i sometimes flirt in real life. I was looking for people to have a nice time with, to learn from, to reflect myself and to enjoy closeness and emotions. I dislike bad-boy-behaviour and all the push-pull-tactics and i just honestly tell people when i like them and am attracted to them. I didnt plan to fall in love or get into a relationship right away, but i didnt try to prevent it. With my dates i wanted to be very transparent and honest and i communicated that i'd like to meet others too. We put a lot of empathy in sexual encounters and watch out for the other's needs so it always is very pleasant for both (at least judging by the feedback i get). So in july and august had some dates and i had sexual experiences with five women: R. (25), E. (32), A. (28), L. (33) and M. (27). With A. it was a bit complicated but with all others it was very nice and we agreed to meet each other again. So obviously my timetable got stuffed a bit by first meeting one, then two, three and four women around once a week each. Many of them are dating other men and women too. This feels very fullfilling and iam full of good emotions for all of them and L. and me even fell in love a bit, which makes me very happy. But i cannot stop. Currently i guess iam fine and not too stressed but i have the feeling that this can get out of hand. I believe iam somehow addicted to have new dating experiences. Iam still around 5 to 10 minutes daily on Okcupid and Tinder and iam still texting and am very drawn to a lot of women. So tonight i had another wonderful moment with an acquaintance of me and we ended up in bed. Now she said she liked to meet me again and i would love to. But in the same moment i have the great fear, that this will all overwhelm me and all the very close and honest relationships turn into something that makes them feel miserable. I know that it sounds like a first-world-problem and that many would say "you are so lucky" and i feel lucky but at the same time i feel pressured and very responsible. do you have some advice for me? I cannot really sort my thoughts right now...
2020.09.19 02:47 suspiciouselipsisSomeone please tell me what I'm doing wrong 😢
So. I'm am not the good at the dating. I'm in my mid 30s and I've only ever had 2 relationships. The first began when I was 20 when I settled for a highschool friend who I always knew had a crush on me, but I was never interested. It ended 4 years later and was probably a waste of time for both of us since it was never based on mutual interest (although she never knew). From there I committed to never settling again even if it meant I'd die alone. The second one began just last year. For those of you counting, YES that means I was single for 10 YEARS from 24 until my mid 30s! I don't know wtf happened. But I saw a profile of a girl with no clear pics of the girl but from her silhouette facing away from a distance I figured she could be cute and I was in no position to be picky. Miraculously got a match. Even more miraculously it turned out she was a stone cold thottie. Even more miraculously she agreed to go on a date with me. Even more miraculously she had a good time and decided to go on a second. Even more miraculously she slept with me, decided to keep doing that, introduced me to her son, stuck with me for a while, etc., etc.. And I haven't the faintest clue why THE FUCK; or conversely, if she saw something in me at some point why the fuck DOESN'T anyone else ever seem to. But, she did just dump me after a little under a year together and I'm back to square one just like that. Last time I was here it took me 10 YEARS to find one person. And that only lasted 1. I can't do it again. I can't be alone until my late goddamn 40s. So I need to fix whatever it is about me or what I'm doing. Um. When I first broke up with my first ex at 24 I had a calvin klein underwear model of a firefighter buddy who had just been dumped by his fiance, was heartbroken, and embarking on a revenge mission to literally fuck every woman, and then figuratively fuck them again by not calling back. I'm pretty sure he accomplished this, although I stopped hanging out with him before he was done. Anyway he immediately turned me on to plenty of fish and ok cupid (tinder and bumble didn't even exist yet), where he was getting most of his girls except for the random victoria's secret lingerie models he happened to pick up at the bars in Huntington Beach when we were out. So for those 10 years that I was single I was on all this shit. Pof, okc, tinder, and bumble. I just. Never. Get any goddamn matches. 9/10 times I do get matches they never write me and the match expires (on bumble), or if I write them first they never respond. 9/10 times I do get an actual message from a match I respond, and they never write back. 9/10 they do write back they only ever write back once and I never hear from them again. 9/10 times someone actually does write back and forth enough times to call it an honest to goodnesses conversation, it eventually trails off and nothing ever comes of it. 9/10 times there's ever a date ahem meeting the girl is adament that this is not a date!!! 100%, 10/10 times there's ever a meet up, date whatever the fuck it's fine. There's never any horror stories, but there's also never a second date. Except her. And yeah. I know that's probably pretty much how it goes for most other people. Except, I think most other people get a lot more matches a lot more often in the first place! Which makes it faster to sift through the shit and get an actual date. Assuming only 1/100 matches gets a date, it's not such a problem when you get 100 matches per month. But when you only get 1 or 2 matches a month IF YOU'RE LUCKY... huston we have a problem. In 10 years if being online every day, swiping on every app, all day, I only got literally 5 dates ever. That's one every 2 years. That's like 1 date per 100,000 right swipes. So help me. The fuck out please. TL;DR In my mid 30s, chronically unable to find partners. Only 2 girlfriends in my life, 1 only because I settled because I couldn't find anything mutual for many years. Was single for a DECADE. Finally got the first girlfriend I've ever had that I've been attracted to last year and just got dumped anyway leaving me at square one. Online profiles never get any matches. Will post link to tinder profile in comments!
2020.09.18 19:07 AutoModeratorGeneral Discussion - September 18, 2020
THE DEAL: 01100010 01100101 01100101 01110000 00100000 01100010 01101111 01101111 01110000 00100000 01101000 01101001 00100000 01101000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 THE POINT: This is the place to discuss your non-dating lives. Anything and everything unrelated to romance — save that for Story Time Sunday. THE FINE PRINT: Of course, all things banned in the sidebar are still a no-go in here. And remember, for your hourly general discussion needs, hop on over to the OKCupid IRC Chat.
2020.09.18 16:17 othellomyfellowFeeling Kind of Like Giving Up
I know a lot of people can get into a rut when trying to find a cougar or a cub to date, but I feel like I've been doing it for so long and I've just always hit a wall before I can even get going. Little info about me, I'm 26, modestly handsome, living in temperamental Northern AZ. I'm in an open relationship with a partner who approves and even understands my interest in older women. But there in lies the first issue. I feel like because I'm in an open relationship, I am wearing this scarlet letter, basically telling everyone that I'm not to be trusted or that I'm no good to do. And I know there are inherent biased for dudes in open relationships, because yeah, a lot of them use it as a lie to cheat. I'm always upfront about my relationship and my partner, because I really do want an honest and respectful relationship. But it seems to no avail. I've tried Tinder, and OkCupid, and Hinge, and even that dating app that's supposed to be catered to meeting older women (although it might just be full of bots) OWD. But it feels like I am getting skipped over or just ignored. Which is fine, that's thier choice and I respect it. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I thought that maybe I'd catch somebody's eye. The last cougar I talked to I met on Whisper and she wanted something casual and fun, which was great. But she couldn't get out of the idea that having sex with a younger man made her feel dirty and always flaked out. That's her choice and even though I tried to reassure her that she deserves physical intimacy just like everyone else, she ghosted me. Sorry to mope and whine to all of you. It feels nice to at least get this all off my chest and talk about it. I've liked older women pretty much since I knew I could like people, but I feel like I'm in a rut and it's taking down my self confidence. Thank you all for reading.
2020.09.18 12:19 babyelsI have been using OLD for 6 months. Here is what my experience has been so far:
It's another venting post! I have been using mostly Hinge but tried shortly Tinder, Bumble, and OK cupid. I haven't met anyone from Tinder, met one guy from Bumble, and 8 guys from Hinge. Hinge looks like the most promising one but in the end, it's always the same - guys looking for sex. I am kind of good looking, educated 35 years old female. I am quite fit and working out 5 days per week. I have hobbies and interests and can hold a conversation with anyone. Of course, I am not perfect - have some baggage, and after using OLD I have major trust issues with men. Anyway, I make sure to always ask what the guy is looking for, to talk a lot before meeting ( so many creeps and people looking for hookups ), go on a few dates and try and get to know them. We talk about experiences and they always try to convince me they are decent human beings that treat women with dignity and respect and looking for a serious relationship. We hold hands, go for picnics, do all the lovy -dovy stuff and it all seems perfect and romantic. And I think ( hey maybe this might go somewhere ). I have had a great connection and chemistry with 3 guys, all of them ghosted me or the conversation faded away after we slept together. And yes, I do get that they might want a relationship but not with me. That's totally OK. But at least say so. Why do guys do that? I just don't get it. I feel so used and disrespected! You can't be so positive and excited and blow up my phone asking to see me and when we have sex, " Nope...I don't like you anymore". How is one supposed to trust anybody? Honestly? EDIT: Just want to clarify I don't match with the super hot shirtless guys. I have been dating short, bald, chubby guys. I have dated fit guys, skinny guys. Different income levels, different education. I am just looking for a nice conversation, matching sense of humour and just general attraction. Also how long should you wait for sex? Sex is also important to women. Sex is a part of a normal healthy relationship. I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that if I want a serious relationship with someone I need to wait 5 months for sex. What happens if for some reason he can't even perform or sex is really bad? I usually wait for 4-5 dates. I have always been in a relationship, longest was 8 years. I want to thank all the people with respectful comments, I loved reading all your opinions. To the rest - I really hope I won't match with you.
2020.09.18 07:37 JamesMacreadyShould I message her now or later?
Hey everyone, Long time reader, first time poster. Long story short, I have dipped my toes into the world of online dating. Signed up earlier in the year. I'm currently on OkCupid, I came across someone that I'm interested in sending an intro too as we seem to share the same interests, follow the same diet (Vegetarian) etc The issue is I'm currently in Melbourne, Australia where are currently locked down as per Stage 4 COVID restrictions and can't venture outside of a 5km radius from our home. This particular person is in Regional Victoria (120km/ 74 miles) which has just recently dropped down to Stage 3 and are allowed to venture around freely (for the most part) as they have had low or no COVID cases in a while. I don't believe they are allowed to venture into Melbourne as we have borders around Melbourne to prevent and deter unnecessary travelAt this stage Melbourne isn't set to be released from our 5km restriction until the end of November, it will not be eased any sooner than that and if cases spiral out of control again it will just be extended likely with heavier restrictions. I want to message this person but I'm worried that it will go sour as I can't do anything (eg. ask her out on a date, go get coffee etc) until December. There's also the fear that I may run out of things to say if I message her now (there's only so much you can talk about prior to actually meeting up). Is it best to wait until closer to when Stage 4 restrictions end (End of November) before I try to put myself out there? I don't want to shoot my shot too early but at the same time I don't want to miss my shot. All of my friends are saying to message her as you can do a video date in the meantime (which isn't a bad idea) but who's to say that she may be interested in that, she may be more interested in a 1 on 1. Thank you in advance
2020.09.18 00:04 Ro_CoHaving sex with a 30 year old virgin girl
I (28/M) am dating this girl (30) that I've met at OkCupid for around a month now. She has a very busy schedule due to to work so we've met only 4 times at this point, but every date was amazing, and we share a very deep connection, have full trust in each other, and we're both very attracted to each other (physically and emotionally). Yesterday we met for the 4th time, and she came over to my house to watch a movie. Things escalated pretty quickly, and after around 10 minutes, we've found myself in my bedroom ...And then she notified just how much she trusts me - she's still a virgin (the farthest she's went with a person up to this point was a kiss), but she feels I'm the one she wants to lose her virginity to, and she wants it now. I tried to exlpain to her that we need to take things a bit slow and try to move foreward gradually, but she was adamant on having penetrative sex today, preferably as fast as possible. Now, even making out with someone terrtitory was still very new to her, so sex was a a whole new world. She didn't get quite wet, and her vagina was pretty tight - even inserting fingers was painful to her (I've asked her if she masturbates and she does, but she doesn't insert her fingers), so when I got in with my penis I could barely get more than the tip inside and it hurt her. She ended up experiencing a lot of pain, but every time I've asked her if she's ok and tried to convince her to let go of this for today, she insisted on continuing or trying again, until I told her we should stop for today, because I don't want to injure her. She was really frustrated and embarrassed (I've told her it's a natural thing and that it takes time, but it still didn't change much), and today she woke a up with a lot of pain. She now understands why I told we should go slow, but she still really wants to try again, and so do I - but I'm really not sure what I should do to make it easier and more natural for her. At this point I can say I've actually fallen in love with that woman, and I want her to enjoy sex with me (also I want to enjoy it, obviously), so I'm going to do whatever I can to make it work, but I'm just not sure what I can do to help her, or to be in a better position myself. While I've slept with a fair share of women, I usually let them lead, and it's very disorienting and stressful being completely "the experienced one" and "in charge", and it kind of removes me from the situation (in a bad way). I know it might sound a bit gernal and vague, but I'm not sure on how to handle the situation in a way that would make it pleasuring and natural for her, while also making me enjoy it more and have a sense of flow. I would appreciate any kind of help y'all can provide - I really want this girl and I can't allow myself to muck it up. Thanks!
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